January 25, 2023

Initial Foray

I wrote the text of the previous post in July 2020, shortly after I lost my job. Six months later, I have spent countless hours researching, joined a writers’ forum, and completed over 80,000 words of my book. I could not have seen myself here when I first took the plunge to be the writer I’ve always wanted to be.

The first few weeks were not too difficult. Researching is second nature to me as a librarian. I was slightly daunted by not having access to the curated and authoritative resources I was used to, from my time working at academic institutions. Fortunately, fantasy fiction does allow leeway for fudging facts. Information freely available from the public library and Internet sufficed.

The actual writing was much more difficult. Although I had a rough idea of my characters and plot, I baulked at how difficult it was actually to tell the story with engaging prose, a logical sequence of events, and credible character development. For weeks the phrase “I don’t know what I’m doing” played on repeat in my head. I despaired and prayed desperately. Amazingly, the words came and filled the pages. Scenes came together, new details fitting perfectly with ones I had written earlier–never knowing what would come after. Characters sprang onto the page, fully formed, when previously I had no idea I needed them. I was awed, and humbled, by each new miracle. God was more than able to equip me for the task He had called me to. It is still difficult and terrifying every day, but exciting beyond measure. My life has never been so extraordinary. Each day is an adventure.

As I continue on this journey, I remain convinced of my calling. But I realize the results are not in my hands. I want my writings to be read and to make a difference. Yet I cannot guarantee this. I may publish and gain some measure of fame and monetary compensation. But is that success? More than likely, my works will be read only by a relative few. Is this a reality I can accept?

Reminder

Again, I am reminded of my two pictures. I bought both at a thrift store, and I believe I paid little more than a dollar for each one. Monet’s success is not disputed. His originals hang in some of the most prestigious museums and galleries around the world. No doubt each is appraised to be worth a fortune. That this print should be sold for so little is because of the ubiquity of his works through mass production, a testament to its value. Not so with the other picture. It is an original, unframed, oil on canvas painting signed only as “TRose 95.” I have never heard of this name, but I can only imagine, as the artist painted this scene so carefully, that he or she hoped to create something valuable. By any measure of this world, that appears not to be the case. Yet, I find this work of art immeasurably valuable. It was an instrument through which God gave me the courage to see beyond my circumstances and dare to walk in His calling. It inspires me every time I look at it. So did TRose succeed if this painting only impacted one person? I would have to answer, yes. So, I continue to write, giving my utmost for His highest, whatever the outcome. I know it matters for His purposes.